Trying to Find Balance

Life over the last year has been a whirlwind. So much has happened and I don't think I have processed it all.

My grandmother past away last March. So much of my time was spent caring for her that now I don't know what to do with myself. It was hard, but one of the best things I have ever done. Once she past away she left us her house. The house I grew up in and the house that my grandparents made my home. I never ever thought I would want to leave it, but now I do. I want to have our own home. One that my husband and I make our home. This house is no longer a home without my grandparents. I am absolutely torn with the decision to sale it. I hate the thought of someone else owning this home, but at the same time there is nothing here for us. The rest of my family are about an hour away and with us planning to pursue starting a family, I would like to be close to my parents. However, some part of me feels like I would be disappointing my grandparents by putting their dream home up for sale. It has been a hard decision. But, this doesn't feel like our home. I don't think it ever will again. So, we are about to start looking into buying a house soon, and placing this one on the market in the spring.

I also graduated from college in May. Now that I am not a full time student I don't know what to do with myself. I have been looking into a career with my degree, but they are few and far in between. I interviewed for my dream job a few months ago, and I never heard anything about it. I was hoping and praying I would get it, but I knew my lack of experience may not benefit me. So, I am babysitting, and substitute teaching when I can. I would like something more permanent. So, I will just keep looking.

I am also getting ready to have the gastric sleeve surgery. It is something I never wanted to do, but I have decided it was best. My PCOS symptoms are constantly getting worse and I am miserable most days. So, that why I made the decision to have the surgery. My husband and I are also wanting to start a family as soon as possible, and this surgery will help with my fertility issues. I have wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. So, if this surgery will help make that possible then I am going to do it. It wasn't an easy decision and my husband is worried to death about it, but I know its what I need to do.

Life keeps changing fast and sometimes it seems hard to catch up to it all. I am just trying to take it one day at a time. I have to find a balance between all the changes and try my best to get where I want to be.

Busy, Crazy Life

So it's been a while since I have posted anything! Since August actually! Not a lot has changed though. School is still stressful as ever, and life goes by faster each day it seems. I think the big theme in my life right now is stress! Everything lately is all so stressful, and hard to manage. I plan on starting to post more and maybe (I hope) that will help relieve some of the stress!

As far as the dieting has gone, it is pretty much down the toilet! I haven't stuck to it and haven't been keeping an eye on my weight lately! That is about to change though. I am starting to count calories again, and I will be exercising regularly. That actually starts tomorrow! My mom and I are going to be doing it together. She only needs to lose 30 pounds though! It will be nice to have someone doing it with me, and to have that support. I really want to get healthy. Having PCOS makes me feel so miserable all the time and it can be painful. I hate it, but God put it in my life for a reason. I want to just feel better, and then I want to start a family. I don't want to do it now and be unhealthy during/after pregnancy. I want to be healthy and enjoy my family. I want most in this world is to be a mom, and in the next 5 years I pray that happens. I don't want it too soon. I want to be in good health for a while before I get pregnant, be finished with school, and have a good career.

Married life, well it's married life. There is some good, and then there is bad as well. We hardly see each other, and that can really be hard at times. That seems to be the main issue, no time for each other. Hopefully that will change soon because next semester I won't take five classes again haha. I'm only going to do three, maybe four. That will give me some more free time. Josh is taking classes too, and I think we may try to get one together so we can see each other a little more, and so we can help each other.

I think that's all I have to catch everyone up on! Until Tomorrow.......Goodnight!

Stressing Already!

I know school can be stressful in general, but some teachers make it unreal! I have one that thinks she can tell you to dress in business wear and cover all tattoos that may be showing! I mean get out of here lady!!!! We are paying to take this class and learn, not to be judged or critiqued over our wardrobe . She also says that she usually fails people for missing a class. She said she won't do that this semester but she will drop us a letter grade per absence. It's ridiculous! I have thought about dropping it but I've never dropped a class before. I'd like to keep it that way, but I'm not going to rule it out as an option. Then my three online teachers act like we don't have any other classes and pile on the work. Oh we'll, you gotta do what you gotta do right?! Keep me and my sanity in you thoughts and prayers please ;) 

Back to School!

Today marks the first day back to classes. I am excited, but nervous all at once. I love school but the stress can get very overwhelming. I'm taking five classes again this semester. I took five last semester and thought I would never survive it (haha). But I did and now I am doing it again. I hope and pray that it will all go smoothly. I am going to be counting down the days to vacation though. Josh and I will be married five years October 6th and we are leaving for the mountains for a week! I am so excited, and cannot wait! Good luck to anyone else starting back to school! 

Spring Break

It is officially my spring break! I am not ashamed to say that I havent done anything today. I am totally fine with that! The rest of the week I plan on being more productive though.

I did have time to do a lot of thinking though. About the new diet and moving soon. My mom is going to diet with me to help me out. She doesn't really need to diet but she wants to be able to support and help me. I think I may start posting what I eat and when I exercise. Kind of keep record of it and knowing I need to post it everyday may keep me motivated.

Lack of Sleep

Almost anyone that knows me is well aware that I love my sleep. Here lately however, sleep isn't too fond of me. I cannot sleep for more than an hour or two at a time. On a good day I might get four hours total! Plus whenever I do get to sleep I wake up with migraines. It is a losing battle. I am lying here in bed at 5:33 am and I still cannot sleep.

I am getting irritated to say the least. It isn't for a lack of being tired though. I am beyond tired. My days are always full and I barely have any time to relax. I would think that would make sleep come very easily but it doesn't.

I just want some sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!

Settle for a Slow Down

Am I the only one ready for things to slow down a bit. It seems as if time just flies by and I don't have enough time to do things anymore. By the time I'm done with my homework, more is waiting, when the weekend gets here it's already over! It is so hectic and crazy lately. I was considering taking summer classes, but I think I need a break.

My non school days are full of doctor appointments for my grandma and even more homework. I hardly see my husband but maybe two hours a day! By the time he gets up in the mornings I'm already gone, and when he gets home I'm in bed. I miss seeing him as much as I did.

So I am in need of a break, and spring break is next week. I am so ready for it. I am hoping it won't go as fast as it comes!