Trying to Find Balance

Life over the last year has been a whirlwind. So much has happened and I don't think I have processed it all.

My grandmother past away last March. So much of my time was spent caring for her that now I don't know what to do with myself. It was hard, but one of the best things I have ever done. Once she past away she left us her house. The house I grew up in and the house that my grandparents made my home. I never ever thought I would want to leave it, but now I do. I want to have our own home. One that my husband and I make our home. This house is no longer a home without my grandparents. I am absolutely torn with the decision to sale it. I hate the thought of someone else owning this home, but at the same time there is nothing here for us. The rest of my family are about an hour away and with us planning to pursue starting a family, I would like to be close to my parents. However, some part of me feels like I would be disappointing my grandparents by putting their dream home up for sale. It has been a hard decision. But, this doesn't feel like our home. I don't think it ever will again. So, we are about to start looking into buying a house soon, and placing this one on the market in the spring.

I also graduated from college in May. Now that I am not a full time student I don't know what to do with myself. I have been looking into a career with my degree, but they are few and far in between. I interviewed for my dream job a few months ago, and I never heard anything about it. I was hoping and praying I would get it, but I knew my lack of experience may not benefit me. So, I am babysitting, and substitute teaching when I can. I would like something more permanent. So, I will just keep looking.

I am also getting ready to have the gastric sleeve surgery. It is something I never wanted to do, but I have decided it was best. My PCOS symptoms are constantly getting worse and I am miserable most days. So, that why I made the decision to have the surgery. My husband and I are also wanting to start a family as soon as possible, and this surgery will help with my fertility issues. I have wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. So, if this surgery will help make that possible then I am going to do it. It wasn't an easy decision and my husband is worried to death about it, but I know its what I need to do.

Life keeps changing fast and sometimes it seems hard to catch up to it all. I am just trying to take it one day at a time. I have to find a balance between all the changes and try my best to get where I want to be.